anais nin

Tearing Down Walls

It’s 3:30 am and I have been up for almost an hour, sporadically writing in my journal, as clarity and inspiration tap me on the shoulder like, “hey you”. I have heard that 3 am is the witching hour; a time when the veil between our world and the spirit world is thin, so we at times can more easily tap in to the Divine. I feel something intense flowing through me right now. Something that has been waiting for me to stumble upon it, but it took a commitment to clarity. It took me saying “no, not tonight” to that glass of wine. It took a willingness to drop into raw emotion today. To be vulnerable with myself and my clients, to be the girl that cried through yoga class because I just had to set whatever it was that was aching inside of me free. Sweat and tears at the same time are the ultimate dynamic duo of letting go. 

There is a strong sense that it is time to shift the paradigm of the box I put myself in. I feel as if I am literally standing in a cube, discerningly looking at the four walls around me, standing boldly with a sledge hammer flung over my shoulder and bandana around my head to collect the blood, sweat, tears and debris that are inveitabley going to come with the task at hand. I am ready to take these walls down no matter what the consequence!

The funny thing about these walls is, I built them. I have a strong sense to undo my own doing. I want to bust open the plaster and let the light pour in through the cracks, because doing what is comfortable has become just too painful. You can’t bloom and stay a bud at the same time. Actually Anais Nin said it way better, “and the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom”. I can not grow into all that I want to be and do and see, if these walls remain. So, as I sit here in my soft cuddly white bathrobe on my couch with dandelion root tea, listening to the birds sing their first morning song, internally I am feeling like a warrior. I am ready to keep coming up against myself and the walls that I have built. I am ready to tear them down, to face the fears that put them there in the first place, knowing that once they are gone I will be naked and vulnerable, but I will be free and more powerful for having made the journey through myself.